@Thedudish: Monday is a draft that was sent by mistake when God's cat jumped on the keyboard.
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@hippieswordfish: kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!
@Celestinelea90: Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.
@Smooheed: "Don't worry my love, I'll breathe for the both of us" I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle