@TheTweetOfGod: Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty, and money can buy a lot of other really cool stuff, so try to have some at all times.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.