@iDontWannaBeYhu: Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
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@LittleMissZesty: Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No.
@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@KatMcSnatch: My ex sent me a text saying "please delete my number..." I sent one back saying "who's this?"