@FloodyHippie: Money doesn't impress me. You know what does? Treehouses.
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@JordanPeele: I've been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she "can't survive on dry land."
@AsphaltFarmboy: My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said "WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."
@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.