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@FloodyHippie: Money doesn't impress me. You know what does? Treehouses.
@meganamram: If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss
@Breadery: Her: You're a pathological liar!
Me: ...and the King of Spain.
@BertCarrillo: In high school, everyone called me the bus driver. Because I was the bus driver.
@Heartblakekid15: Roommate: hey blake I just bought this whiskey wanna explain why it's half empty?
Me: cause you're a pessimist!
@jonnysun: 4 out of 5 dentists agree u should not be going to 5 diferent dentists. it is important to have one dentist who knows ur dental history