@TheTweetOfGod: Money is the root of all larger amounts of money.
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@AndyAsAdjective: I scream "You haven't seen the last of me!" & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away. The pharmacist smiles kindly.
@gruffybeard: Her: Why's the couch smell like pee? [Flashback to me watching The Ring alone] Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."
@wesleysnipes: Today I am choosing to stay positive and kind to anyone I encounter today, except vampires.
@TommyWallace: [Dad jokes anonymous] "...and I'm clean 30 days" Guy from back: HI CLEAN 3O DAYS I'M DAD "DAMN IT, JERRY!"