@WheelTod: Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.
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@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@eddiesteadyno: A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese.
@FavoritesYou: Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key.
@BuckyIsotope: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.