@Julian_Deane: Money’s missing from under my pillow, I think I've been visited by the teef fairy.
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@weinerdog4life: Serious Question: Can I get a moustache by kissing another guy with a moustache?
@realHamOnWry: Apparently, the latest gadget used by suicide bombers around the world is a vest completely made of Galaxy Note 7s.
@SarcasticAlly12: You know in a video game when you kept pushing b to get through the talking part but later realized you should've read it? That's adulthood.
@badbanana: If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.