@Duke1173: *moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*
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@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@Faux_Ma: At my job interview today the Boss said, "You're shaking, don't be so nervous." So I told him, "Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."
@NASHterpiece: I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.