@slimmy_shady: "More people are killed by toasters than sharks". So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster, you're in big trouble.
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@retardedwriter: Every time I think the younger generation is stupid, I remind myself that we took a long time to figure out that WWF was all fixed !!
@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.
@tomcashgent: Noah had a younger brother called Rick who just built a speedboat and saved 9 cheetahs
@JasonLastname: Accidentally pronounced wifi as "wifey" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener.