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@meganamram: Most arachnophobes end up secretly being spiders themselves
@CakeThrottle: I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there
@motorace177: I'm looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
@daemonic3: Your honor, may I approach the bench?
Judge: You may
*benches 200lbs in 3 sets of 20 reps*
The defense rests
@Aspersioncast: I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
@SatansTongue: The average person has sex 89 times a year.
This is gonna be one hell of a week.