@mishakey: Most computer problems can be fixed by removing the idiot from the keyboard.
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@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom.
@envydatropic: My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long has this been bothering you? Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.