@mishakey: Most computer problems can be fixed by removing the idiot from the keyboard.
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@dreamthievin: I climbed on this seesaw with Rick Astley 3 hours ago. *sigh He's never gonna let me down.
@Marlebean: I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
@Tups13: Eating Doritos and watching Judge Judy in my underpants. Whoa! Dude! Why is Judge Judy in my house? And why is she wearing my underpants??