@mishakey: Most computer problems can be fixed by removing the idiot from the keyboard.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: I'm not getting enough attention when I go out so I'm gonna wear a tight spandex suit w/ my underpants on the outside. --Superman, probably
@AnniemuMary: My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn't bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.
@SmartassChef: Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning.
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: So do you have any hobbies? SALT SHAKER: Nice dress! It would look great on my floor HER: What?! HIM: Just ventriloquism