@mishakey: Most computer problems can be fixed by removing the idiot from the keyboard.
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@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Use this spotlight to call me. Robin: What if it's daytime? Batman: *glares at Robin* Gordon: Yeah, what if it- Batman: *smoke bomb*
@Izianikapani: If the US admits that Trump's presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.
@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
@squirrel74wkgn: The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired...and all of Target went silent.