@MrT1M: Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard.
No? Ok, I'll show myself out.
@NurseMurderer: Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario &how you handled it.
Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
@Poutymcgee: The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm "no longer allowed in the library".
@LosLos__: Wife: Is that a pencil in your pocket, or are you just...
Me: It's a piece of toast.
@KateWhineHall: Friend: You know that country song that goes-
@NervousJr: Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren't a thing.