@954LeenO: Most days I wish I were an octopus so I could slap 8 people at once.
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@BruceForce: When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door "don't worry, it's only me" ~ It's all about the empathy.
@ElliotHetherton: [date] Her: tell me something about yourself Me: *remembers girls like tough guys* I killed a man Her: ... Me: *remembers girls also like sensitive guys* but I cried afterwards
@Fred_Delicious: [penguin waddles into computer repair store] "Hi yes my laptop is frozen" ... Computer repair guy - "how did you get to Milwaukee"
@doktorj: Enhanced interrogation idea: If waterboarding isn't working, try having my mother brush their hair.