@donni: Most drug-sniffing dogs refuse to admit they have a problem
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@squirrel74wkgn: [drive-thru at 2am] Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah! Neighbor's mailbox: ...
@behindyourback: The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do.
@pharmasean: "I just figured the 'H' was broken on your sign" Nope, this is what I sell here. Now how many Doug nuts do you want?
@AlexvanBeek: You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.