@TheWoodenslurpy: Most embarrassing thing a human being can experience is publicly unrequited love. Second is having the noisy grocery cart.
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@MissNaughty1801: Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago
@skickwriter: I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.
@DrDogMD: [During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!