@TheTweetOfGod: Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.
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@Schmoodles: There's a party in my pants, with an all you can eat buffet, and a VIP entrance in the rear.
@raniao2011: I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis.
@iamburtjarvis: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?
@tastefactory: Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*