@TheTweetOfGod: Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.
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@Brampersandon_: BAD GUY (hiding in my back seat): *strangling me to death* ME: *choking but still embarrassed he heard me singing that shania twain song*
@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.
@lisaxy424: My parents have been together for 40 years, and I don't even like seeing the same cashier twice in a row at the grocery store.