@TheTweetOfGod: Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.
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@platinum2000: You don't have to seduce me with restraining orders and joyrides on the hood of your car, you had me at. "No, I was waving at my friend."
@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
@Book_Krazy: I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist.
@HogwartsLogics: Harry wasn't chosen for Ravenclaw because he tried to catch the Hogwarts letters from the air instead of taking one from the floor.