@tastefactory: Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds
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@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
@headway10: Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"
@teenpuke: do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify
@DanMentos: "Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?" No thanks I have a previous engagement "I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"