@JasonLastname: Most monkeys don't like bananas, they're just being sexy.
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@SirFlushaLot: "This is wrong on sooo many levels" I say to my victims as I rob them at gun point on elevators.
@XplodingUnicorn: I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say "no."
@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work