@JasonLastname: Most monkeys don't like bananas, they're just being sexy.
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@JohnLyonTweets: -Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. -He has sex with fish? -He's dead. -I'm not surprised. Having sex with fish doesn't sound very safe.
@10InchesPlus: A TV show where customers get to hear what employees said 10 seconds after they left the store.
@Diversion50: BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep.
@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.