@JasonLastname: Most monkeys don't like bananas, they're just being sexy.
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@HatfieldAnne: You could eat off the floor in this bathroom, but that's just a euphemism. We have a dining room.
@generaldietz: Baby Soldier: Ma'am. Your husband is MIA. Soldiers wife: *covers crying face with hands* Baby Soldier: Oh great! Now his wife is MIA too.
@JermHimselfish: I've never been put in the "friend" zone, but I have been put in the "please don't tell my friend's" zone.