@TheAlexNevil: Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
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@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!
@over_rated: "HEY ATHLETES WITHOUT MONEY FOR TRAINING FACILITIES OR PROPER UNIFORMS, Y U NO WIN GOLD MEDALS?" - Indians
@WineMummy: Him: Didn't you buy that apple pie yesterday? Me: Yeah, so? Him: There's one small piece left. Me: And if you touch it, I'll stab you.
@Pirate_nurse: Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked