@SmartassChef: Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning.
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@primawesome: Oatmeal shouldn't get to have the word "meal" in it. How about oatsnack? Or oatbullshit?
@IamEnidColeslaw: when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS
@sumpeoplelikeit: The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
@hunz74: My twins hate to brush their teeth. So I just convinced them that it's fun to brush someone else's teeth. Problem solved.