@Douchekevin: Most of my parenting skills come from watching Animal Planet.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheRohiniReddy: Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation
@TheToddWilliams: [candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition.
@KyleMcDowell86: I always keep a shotgun under my bed in case a horse sneaks in and breaks his leg
@notalogin: *Giant boulder slowly crushes several hundred cats* Guy who's about to invent the bagpipes: Hey, this gives me an idea!