@Donnie_Fairburn: Most of my tweets have been coming from a very dark place lately. That's what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
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@MattMcElaney: Cashier's playing dumb cause I said "venti" at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got.
@DurtMcHurtt: The guy I cheat off moved seats before today's spelling test, like he's teaching me some kind of lessen.
@Miniwheats2012: My version of "naked and afraid" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise.