@lanyardigan: Most of us get into advertising for the money. Me? I've just always had a passion for making people feel bad
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@HatfieldAnne: My long legs mean I can emerge gracefully from an SUV. After that, every step looks like I was just released from a zero gravity experiment.
@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
@Sassafrantz: [public restroom] Me: We'll have to go some place else, it says "unavailable" Mom: Even the toilet found someone before you
@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving