@chrisrockozfan: Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
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@Michael_Erhart: [Sea fishing] Me: This is fun. [Deep sea fishing] Me: Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it's not fish they're after.
@neiltyson: Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: how old is your daughter? WIFE’S FRIEND: she’s eight going on nine. ME: *whispering* That’s how numbers work
@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.