@Try2StopME: Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.
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@JasonLastname: Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
@scott_towel: Detective: Did your husband have any enemies, ma'am? Wife: Well, the cat next door never really liked Jim, and that always seemed a bit odd.
@WilliamRodgers: Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working...