@tastefactory: Most people use photoshop to create amazing art or graphic design. I use it to make fake Doritos flavors.
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@abbycohenwl: [sees old lady drop $20] Devil on Shoulder: Grab her cash! Devil on other Shoulder: And push her over!
@murrman5: [wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] "he looks like you" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though
@yendys1: Oh you like Oreos? Name five of their albums. And I'm talking their obscure shit like watermelon, none of this main stream birthday cake shi