@vjraines: Most women want a man who can make them laugh and also feel safe. So basically, a clown ninja. Good to know
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@juskewitch: Nothing is worse than having a cranberries song stuck in your head, in your head, in your heeeeeeeeeeaaaad zombie zombie zombie eee eee
@dysondoc: Trump: "I'm going to make sure we let in less immigrants." Pence: "Fewer!" Trump: "Shhh, don't call me that yet."
@CabetoMejia: From 3am to 6am this morning I wanted to kill myself, but now I want some French toast. #cravings
@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.