@JohnLyonTweets: Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.
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@Reverend_Scott: "Will u make me breakfast tomorrow?" No, you'd be disappointed. "Wait-" Because- "Don't say it-" Omelette u down. "Please leave."
@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.
@causticbob: "Must you lick the knife?" "Sorry,force of habit" I said "Loads of people do it though, don't they?" "Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor"