@AndyAsAdjective: Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor.
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@ClichedOut: Mall Cop: The guy from Jersey Shore stole a spray tan kit. He's running up the escalator. [static] MC: THE SITUATION IS ESCALATING RAPIDLY
@215potter: If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
@TheCiscoKidder: I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.