@AndyAsAdjective: Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Q: When is Santa's birthday? A: Since Santa comes once a year and he's married, Santa's birthday is December 25th
@PetrickSara: Them: children are innocent and go to heaven Me: so you're saying Hell is child free?
@Donna_McCoy: There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year.
@AimeeHelene1: "It's the holidays" *eats a pizza* "It's the holidays" *eats 3 cheeseburgers* "It's the holidays" *eats my food, your food & a small baby*