@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
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@thatUPSdude: Her: So, how did you get that scar on your chin? Me: *flashes back to slipping in the shower* Hunting wild boar.
@envydatropic: Something touched my leg while in the ocean and apparently I can walk on water now
@gengen874: Went on a date once. He ordered for me, "She'll have a small side salad." I said, "Yes, and a side of sirloin and a loaded baked potato."