@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
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@Ygrene: *brings knife to gunfight* *knife used to cut pizza* *pizza served & differences resolved* *last slice up for grabs & gunfight ensues*
@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
@Playing_Dad: Cop: Wife shot the husband for bothering her while reading a book Sargent: You arrested her? C: No S: Why? C: She's not done with the book
@jakob_huber: We built this community from the ground up as opposed to choosing a point in the air and building downwards from there.