@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
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@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties
@PaperWash: Tell us a scary story! Ok kids, gather around *holds flashlight up to face And I'll tell you all that is evil *puts wedding tape in VCR
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."