@sfreeze6: "Mrs. Doubtfire" is my favorite movie about a messy custody battle that gives way to horribly illegal and creepy transgendered stalking.
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@SortaBad: "President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery
@pauleggleston: Security Guard: Can I see your ID card? Me: *flashes card quickly* SG: Show me your card again. Me: Bit weird, but OK... *flashes cardigan*
@desijourno: When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *explains idea* Boss: That's the dumbest idea ever Me:*clears throat* *repeats exact same idea in a British accent* Boss: Brilliant!