@joshcomers: MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it's like they had those babies for nothing.
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@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
@Audenary: ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?
@charrrllaa: If anyone finds 786 barely used tubes of Chapstick around my city, they're mine. I need them all back.