@LDLevesque: Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness.
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@GermanFreckles: No, cough syrup, you're not grape flavoured. Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children, not grape.
@okay_andi: Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth
@StephenAtHome: If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend can shower and get ready to go to dinner in 20 minutes. It takes me 20 minutes to get ready to shower.