@LDLevesque: Much like #Skynet, the dirty dishes in my sink have achieved self awareness.
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@flashember: WIFE: Will he ever wake up? DOCTOR: Only a shocking truth will do it W: i sold his pet hamster ME *eyes fly open* WHERE HAS THEODORE GONE
@Fat_Jalbert: Waiter: how would you like your steak? Me: rare [later] Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it* Me: *tearing up* perfect
@sambha_bhilane: I like to listen to Anu Malik's music while I study because he is a constant reminder on why it's important to get educated.
@nolifecoach: To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome