@jwoodham: Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species.
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@Importantest: I like to switch browsers as often as possible. They all prompt to make them the default browser. It feels nice to be fought over.
@blaha_Who: I had sex with a girl who had the big holes in her ear lobes once It was just once, because using them as reins isn't cool, apparently
@ShittyComedian: Don't you hate it when you're so high on drugs that simple, everyday, mundane tasks become difficult? Anyway, I pissed on your sofa.
@awkwardphilippe: [clown interview] Why become a professional clown? me: [picturing getting hit in the face with cream pies every day] um I like kids