@jwoodham: Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species.
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@SadMeterologist: TRUTHFUL TUESDAY: When my son was 7 he pissed me off so badly I pressed all the elevator buttons knowing every new rider would blame him.
@smithsara79: Mom: *points to my yearbook photo* What a nerd, right? BF: Haha your hair! Me: *quietly* It was raining the day we took faculty pictures
@Sickayduh: [recording studio] Producer: Um what're you guys doing? Singer: Ending the song Producer: You don't have to fade out. We'll do that in here.