@my_minivan_life: Muffins - for people who don't have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
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@SteveSuckington: The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat.
@astutenewf: Her:How long before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" Dr.:No one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.
@SteveSuckington: "Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl" -just to be clear, if I don't tell you she dies but I get to live right?