@my_minivan_life: Muffins - for people who don't have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
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@rickolantern: My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
@JoParkerBear: The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.
@TitaniumToplass: *casually walks into a crowded Sushi Restaurant wearing a dolphin costume* *suddenly stops, looks horrified, & backs slowly out the door*
@murrman5: [reeling in big fish and turns to friend] you got the net? "yes" ok, google how to get this thing in the boat