@my_minivan_life: Muffins - for people who don't have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
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@Iwriteforcats: Her: Wanna "lex" tonight? Him: What's that? Her: Lazy sex. Him: What do we do? Her: Lay in bed and send each other Huffington Post articles.
@TheAlexNevil: If reading bedtime stories to my son has taught me anything, it's that mice lead much fuller, exciting lives than I do.
@chuuew: [planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne