@LucybelleH: Mum, that's not a picture of Jesus
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@LindaInDisguise: I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language.
@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@Reverend_Scott: Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween.