@LucybelleH: Mum, that's not a picture of Jesus
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@BarryVonAwesome: I don't consider it a good night out if it doesn't end up as a super villain's origin story
@Xalqee: My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike
@Rollmaninoz: *Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I’m literally running down the street pretending to be a car?