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@LucybelleH: Mum, that's not a picture of Jesus
@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one
@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@WordDamage: *Tries to warm up car*
Car: I have a boyfriend
@daemonic3: This cat poop tastes like I'm about to get yelled at.
@moose_chocolate: I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner.