@Kyle_Lippert: Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*
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@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.
@TySmithdrums: Me: "I can't find your phone." Her: "Call it." Me: "Here, phone!" Her: "I hate you."
@rorynotroy: the early bird gets the worm but so does the bird that gets outta bed around 1pm because there are plenty of worms out there believe me