@shkeeber: Mummies are basically just zombie burritos.
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@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
@suzieQ0007: My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.
@Mister_Gravity: I'm usually pretty inspired after watching a movie to try something I've just seen. [hunts for a movie about cleaning bathrooms]
@Kernsti: When my mom first saw my Facebook she was offended it said I was "interested in men" I think because she thought that was a list of hobbies