@fart: muppets cannot die and nobody else seems to be worried about this
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@MrFornicator: I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
@OctopusCaveman: I'm thinking about getting a dog so I'm not the only one in this household who goes apeshit when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.
@SamuelHLowe: If you're ever on death row, request Denny's for your last meal so you can live an extra year waiting on your order.