@fart: muppets cannot die and nobody else seems to be worried about this
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@bourgeoisalien: Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.
@danielmarven: My GF found lipstick in my pocket, I admitted I'm cheating... I don't want her to know I'm selling AVON.. I want to eat my money in peace
@thenatewolf: Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don’t care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test
@_oculusmundi: My moods don't just swing - they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette.