@i_Lean: Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says "WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP"
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@WilliamRodgers: Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD??? Me: What? No....it's my wife's..... Hips: No.... It's his... Me: Shut up Hips!
@TheCiscoKidder: I ate a banana so big that my Facebook relationship status automatically changed from "Married" to "It's Complicated."