@AlexvanBeek: Murder is like art, as long as you can bullshit your way into justifying it, someone out there will be like "oh yeah, I totally get it."
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@withanewname: [seaworld] "Hey what happened to the new guy?" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 "But there's a shark in tan.." -BINGO!
@AbbyHasIssues: Whenever someone says, “Good question” I never hear their answer because I’m too busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question.
@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.
@ZanyJaney11: Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.