@dxblarssonENG: Mute the voices in your head by eating really crunchy food.
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@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something
@ImaFlyontheWall: Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in..
@Jeffwni: [The Justice League on patrol] Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy… Batman:*chuckles* Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home
@dank_dino: *judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*