@dxblarssonENG: Mute the voices in your head by eating really crunchy food.
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@carlyken: "...until death do us part." *looks at minister* "What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?"
@pleatedjeans: Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes
@AbbyHasIssues: I just typed "cupkale" instead of "cupcake" and accidentally invented what has to be the worst dessert idea ever.