@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
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@ItsAndyRyan: Don't cry for me, Argentina, Keep your face dry, Dubai, No tears, Algiers, Or from you, Peru, Now Oman, no cry.
@trojansauce: daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip
@MrMichaelRose: I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them