@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
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@BuckyIsotope: Sorry ISIS but we already have a religious state that nobody likes and is full of people that hate modern thinking: it's called Kansas.
@CarolineCasey: Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
@TheAlexNevil: 6: Dad, why do you have so many nicknames for me? *I break down, no longer able to cover up that I can't remember my son's name