@Leslie_Annie: My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add "well, at least I've managed to go 10 years without drinking"
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@murrman5: [closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"
@Jake_Vig: Survival Tip: If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct.
@iGreenMonk: I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.