@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.
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@rudy_mustang: how would water even break? it's a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon
@MommaUnfiltered: There is nothing quite as genuine as hearing from a friend you haven't seen in forever and finding out she sells Avon now.
@DanMentos: Each week our panel of 3 celebrity chefs compete to create the ultimate final meal for a death row inmate on LAST SUPPER, this fall on FOX
@KalvinMacleod: [adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan