@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.
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@theshantilly: Me: I want cozy pajama pants for Christmas. Him: I was gonna get lingerie. Me: Trust me. VS won't have your size. Him: Me: *jazz hands*
@aidanjsears: [my funeral] PRIEST: dearly beloved... *respectful silence from guests* PRIEST: ...and steve ME FROM INSIDE COFFIN: lmao get roasted steve
@sageboggs: Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again