@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle
Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."
@VerifiedDrunk: Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby
Case of beer: I have a boyfriend
@rolldiggity: When your date asks about your hobbies, DON'T grab her table knife in a napkin and say, "Collecting knives with strangers' prints on them."
@mdob11: [waiting for elevator]
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.
@LifesGoodThing: Dear women,
3 reasons why you need to accept we men are mature.
No 1. We know what upsets you.
No 2.
Hahahahahaha... I said "number 2"
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