@DavidJuurlink: My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
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@roxiqt: Santa Claus & his elves wouldn't be able to wrap the gifts needed for all the children in the world quickly enough unless they had more limbs. Therefore, the logical conclusion is that they are all octopuses & the "North Pole" is actually the lost city of Atlantis. In this essay,
@ThaJawn: Wife: Don't forget your lunch! You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached -later that day- Horseman: I'm home! And guess what happened!
@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: How was your day? Me: *kicks ball, ball rolls and tips water bottle into glass, weight of full glass releases ziplining GI Joe to push marble, marble rolls off weight tying balloon down to unveil banner reading “I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING TODAY”*