@_notyourmom_: My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.
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@AndyAsAdjective: I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze.
@H0TMessBarbie: I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said I should prolly not go to those places anymore.
@wickedimproper: St. Peter: "Spock?" Leonard Nimoy: "I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV." St. Peter: "HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"