@TheMichaelRock: My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.
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@Ameiam: My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*
@GreenishDuck: Don't let the door hit you on the way out! *guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*
@thestlouisan: -Crowded Restaurant- Me: Table for four, please. [seated] Me: Now, to get married & have two kids...
@funnybeachgirl: What's white & falls from the sky? "The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.