@TheMichaelRock: My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password.
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@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.
@FilthyRichmond: Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake shit.
@davidkenny100: Gwen Stefani: 🎵this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means... Cut to kid opening lunch box