@Brianhopecomedy: My 2 year old has a pretty big attitude considering that I'm the only one who can open the fridge.
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@mynameisntdave: People who carry their dogs around, You know they can walk, right? Theyre real good at it. It's like one of the top known things about dogs
@SureYouDo1: For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don't get her a bathroom scale. Nope.
@LoveNLunchmeat: 80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction.
@PharmerRPh: Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.